How I Can Find Your Deepest Desires, Needs, Wants, and Perfect Date in 4 Questions

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“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

INDEX

full article, total read time: 4 min 49 sec

shortcut: skip to the 4-question personality quiz (ctrl or cmd + f) and then use decipher (you lazy ass…)

INTRO
Life doesn’t have to be so hard. What if you could decode and read people easily? Read people like a book as if you had a manual with all the cheat sheets and guides? Read people like a psychologist with ten-thousand hours? Do you want to know what you care about the most? Do you want to discover your superpower strengths so that you can take advantage of them and train them? Do you want to find the perfect significant other or find your greatest flaws? I can help you with that.

Why am I so obsessed with studying the human mind, human relationships, and people in general? The achilles-heel of my type (INTJ) is relationships. When I was young, I was super shy. Then, I moved countries and was forced to learn how to make friends/turn on the extrovert switch when needed. It was either that or accepting stalking people all day. I chose the first. Then, I’ve worked on my people skills ever since. Including with: running for student government (6 times…I’ll never make a great politician cause all norms could go to shit, and I really wouldn’t care), helping new students in Peer Support by being the Activities Head (all of High School), and helping new college students (3 years of college) as an RA. All of it dealt with activity planning, bringing people together, and getting people to feel comfortable/at ease with me/laughing. So that’s like…a good 7 years of practice. I wasn’t just born naturally social.

I’ve been fascinated with psychology ever since and have studied the greats (Dan Ariely, Malcolm Gladwell, and David Keirsey). I’ve read Keirsey’s book on this subject – which makes me a total SME of course, right? Oh. My coworkers also know that I love playing match-maker/cupid. It just makes me feel good to see people that I care about be happy and know that I played a part in making them happy. What brings people more joy than feeling loved? I’ve also been so horrid at reading people that it cost me a return-offer from one of my internships – oh my fucking ouch.

I spent 2 summers and countless hours (when I should have been programming) studying the human mind, psychology, and personality. I’ve filtered a 70 to 93 to 244 question test into 4 questions. I’ve quizzed more than 127 individuals while I was a Resident Assistant in college (thanks for bearing with me residents and colleagues) and adjusted my test. A test that usually takes 1-2 hours can be done in 1 minute. You see – all of this is because I’ve learned how to accentuate one of my personality group’s strengths – simplifying/filtering complex ideas. I’ve learned how to balance what comes naturally to me in each situation so that I can bring out the needed skills I lack (ex. being social even when the natural me wants to shut up and just find the nearest wall to be a decorative wall-flower on).

Here’s how I can help you. I’ve gotten together with a group of really bright, creative, and fantastic individuals. We’re making a game-changing app and we need your help. Be our advocate, mover, connector and push this app forward. In return, we will push you forward – your strengths, quirks, and the all-things-lovable-you. We’ll train you like Batman in the mountains, and we’ll bring out the best of you so that we can show this polished-gem-you to the world. We’ll even find you your perfect date. You already have all the superpowers you need for a life time. Now it is the time to uncover and utilize them.

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ACTION STEPS
ACTION STEP 1:

Do me a favor and share this blog post on your Facebook or email it to 5 of your closest friends. Screenshot it and you will be rewarded later on. 😉

ACTION STEP 2:

Take the 4-question test (1 minute or less) below manually OR just fill out the google sheet survey and skip to Action Step 4.

ACTION STEP 3:

Email me (BuildACouple{AT}gmail.com) a screenshot of your Facebook post and send me your test results from the 4-question test.

ACTION STEP 4:

Once you receive an email from me, come back to this blog post, decipher your results and comment with any questions/insights/thoughts you may have.

ACTION STEP 5:

Keep us updated with what you learn about yourself in the comments, and we’ll do our best to train you to become the best version of you that you can be. Win-win.

Recently, I’ve done this on 9 different co-workers. They find it pretty damn accurate and amusing too. It’s a fun party trick. And who doesn’t like learning more about themselves?

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THE 4-QUESTION PERSONALITY TEST

DISCLAIMER: Take this test with the mindset of who you ARE not what you want to be/want to project/idealize to be. If you seem confused between the two choices and feel like a bit of each, you are not alone. We are on a spectrum and can be close on the middle. You could be 51% introverted and 49% extroverted – I wanted to know the 51%. Here’s a way to break off which side of the spectrum you’re nearer: 1. what would your closest friends label you as? 2. which one felt more naturally like the young you before society taught you all those social obligations?

Why do I want you to share this with your friends? Two main reasons. One is that I honestly believe I can increase your quality of life exponentially by helping you understand yourself better. Second – I want as much users/app downloads as possible. 🙂

Each type has its purpose, its strengths, and its weaknesses. No type is better than the other. Just go and amplify the things that make you great.


Q1. When you were 8 and you met a stranger, were you more

A) outgoing, talkative, expressive, loud, energized, and wanting to share your thoughts with the stranger

B) reserved, quiet, listening, tired, and kept your thoughts to yourself from the stranger.

Q2. Do you like to communicate and learn about the

A) detail-oriented, how, concrete, practical, down-to-earth, things that exist in the world, and present

B) big picture, what, abstract, imaginary, up-in-day-dream-land, things that don’t exist yet, and future

Q3. Do you make life-decisions with your

A) heart, feelings, emotions, past experience, and gut

B) rational, thinking, quantitative proof, facts, and numbers

Q4.  On a summer day, when you can do whatever you want, would you rather

A) be completely spontaneous, go with the flow, and decide what to do as the day goes on

B) have some sort of structure and schedule, know what you want to do in general, and have a plan for parts of the day

OK. Now email me at BuildACouple{@}gmail.com – remember to include a screenshot of you sharing this blog post with friends on Facebook or emailing 5 people.

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DECIPHER

Yes. You could decipher this on your own by guessing or reverse-engineering…but most of the time people are REALLY BAD at guessing or understanding themselves. And one letter changes EVERYTHING. So just share the freaking article and email me, ok? Good. 🙂

NT (spirit animal = owl)

Owls care about gaining knowledge. They use technology to solve problems and care about systems and organization. Owls aspire to be like wizards and want to feel competent. They hate feeling stupid and suck at understanding people because they’re too busy spending all day inventing things in their head to go out in the real-world. Owls fit really well with dolphins because the dolphin brings the owl out of their head and fills the owl with romance, liveliness, and a huge heart.

NF (spirit animal = dolphin)

Dolphins care about helping people. They use their people-skills and likability to bring out the best in people. Dolphins aspire to be like sages, are on a self-journey to discover themselves, and want to feel like they’re improving the world. Sometimes dolphins expend too much energy helping others that they overwork themselves. They hate feeling disliked. Sometimes they annoy people with all the things they discover. But for an owl, owls find the dolphin’s puppy-like-exploration cute. Owls help ground dolphins and bring them logic, facts, and problem-solving.

SJ (spirit animal = beaver)

Beavers care about security, stable foundations, and a working-society. They use hard work, persistence, and keeping-their-head-low to make sure things run smoothly. They are the building-blocks of society and make sure society runs smoothly. They hate feeling unstable and unsafe. One thing beavers forget about is having fun. Not to worry – the fox complements that by bringing some YOLO into the beaver’s life.

SP (spirit animal = fox)

Foxes care about having fun, enjoying the moment, and living life fully. They use their clever instincts, witty remarks, and ability to play to have fun in the world. They help bring many gifts like art, music, and entertainment to the world. They hate being bored and stuck in a rut. One thing the fox forgets about is working hard and saving up. Foxes don’t plan very well for the future. But the beaver can help the fox keep accountable and make sure finances, jobs…etc are in check.

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RELATIONSHIPS

A lot of times, people are searching for the idealized sense of themselves. The rational owl for a mind-mate, the idealized dolphin for a soul-mate, the stable beaver for a home-mate, and the playful fox for a play-mate. That’s like cloning yourself and wanting the best version of yourself. But don’t date yourself. That would get real boring and competitive real fast. Date the piece to your puzzle, the yin to your yang, and the complementary figure that keeps you well-rounded. Imagine genetics. Family members shouldn’t marry family. We don’t want redundancy. We want all our bases covered.

Any type can be in a great relationship with any other type. The only caveat is that the relationship will take more work, more energy, and more patience/understanding if it’s not the natural fit/communication/want-need accommodation as stated in DECIPHER. But like any great, long-lasting relationship, relationships have their breaking points, lulls, and required work. If it’s too easy, maybe you’re bored out of your fucking mind and aren’t improving anything.

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CAREER

Each type has a natural, observable habitat. Owls are in knowledge-seeking fields like IT departments, science, engineering, and as university professors. Dolphins are in people-helping fields like HR, psychology, elementary to high school teaching, and nursing. Beavers are in stability-creating fields like police, judges, and accountants. Foxes are in creativity-inducing fields like music, art, and entertainment.

More to come? Possibly. It just depends on you, how far this app will go, and how much we can help you. So share this blog post with other people today and get started on emailing me ;).

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FAQ/MOST COMMON ARGUMENTS AGAINST THIS POST

This is a highly controversial topic and post. No shit, Sherlock! Did I expect everyone to nod and agree with everything I say? Hell no.

Well, I stand by my beliefs with a subjective, quantitative view – unless proven otherwise. It’s part of being an INTJ – I care about what WORKS and what APPLIES to the real world. Not what my ego attaches itself too. And I haven’t been proven otherwise or convinced differently in the last 2 years about this. So too bad. If you disagree, go cry to your Mom. Ask her to bake you some warm chocolate chip cookies. Tell her Olivia is a big meanie. Hahaha. But this is my blog. If you disagree, go ahead and have your own opinion and…let me keep mine.

Here’s the most common arguments I get. I’m tired of refuting them. It’s like fighting the same war for eternity. So, here they are…

1. This is not scientific

Yes it is. There’s #s everywhere. #s of how many people have taken the test and their in-person response to the accuracy (it’s really a high 90%+) of how I can describe them after hearing their response to the 4 questions. I can measure how many people agree with the non-blanketed that I have to describe people. I can describe things that even they don’t know about themselves. I can describe things that have nothing to do with the questions I asked.

2. This stereotypes people into 4 major groups and 4 letters

Absolutely. I stereotype all the time, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. What stereotyping does for me, is it cuts down the fluff. I try not to make major assumptions about a person. But some stereotypes help me understand and connect with people at a faster rate.

You’re right in that you or any other person is a lot more complex than 4 letters. This quiz is just the start. What it tells me is what your values are. Your beliefs in the future might change. But your values don’t change so much once you’re in your mid twenties. Occasionally, people might change their J/P for example if they’re fighting depression or there’s other tough situations going on in their life. But it’s temporary and the natural part of their personality is still there – just being overshadowed.

Do you enjoy talking in large groups/one on one, present/future, quantitative/sharing emotions, and plans/spontaneity. This quiz helps me figure out things you might even not know about yourself – like who you should date, where you could be a great job fit for, and what your strengths are. These 3 things alone make it completely clear that this 4-question quiz can benefit anyone.

3. There’s only 4 questions

That’s the point. If there were more than 8 questions, most people on the planet would be too fucking lazy to answer the questions. My goal is to get as many people to take action as possible. It’s like a fucking diet. If there’s 1,000 restrictions and foods that people can or can’t eat, the failure rate is a high 99+%. I’m taking out the useless moving pieces and just retaining the working ones. I’m taking out shit and only keeping the gold. Here’s a simplified equation for you to think about. TEST QUESTION ACCURACY * NUMBER OF QUESTIONS = TEST RESULT ACCURACY. So if my test questions are great at getting an accurate test result, I can have a lower number of questions. Which I aim at doing. But if my test questions are wildly inaccurate and it seems like I’m fishing for shit, then I need a larger sample size/a larger data bank of questions.

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WHY OLIVIA?

I’m your complete before and after model. I used to suck. Now I’m a bit better by my own standards, and I still make tons of mistakes – but I learn from them. I’ve studied relationships and psychology for years. I’ve put my words to practice, my practice to the road, and the road to the test. It works. I believe. Do you? Up to you. Doesn’t matter. All that matters to me, similar to most INTJ beliefs, is “does it work in reality?” In this case, the answer is a clear yes.

I’m also your standard smart-ass of an INTJ. So I’m confident in everything (almost) that I do. Sorry if I offend you. If I swear too much, you’ll see that I actually don’t swear much in person. I just swear when I’m frustrated (aka. whenever I’m at work programming). My purpose is not to offend, nor to hurt. Hurting other people is a loser’s game. There is no win-win in hurt. My intention is to be funny, blunt, honest, and objective. And I know sometimes my attempt to be funny (I’m not really funny, you see?) backfires, stabs me in the foot, and kills me…I’m still an art piece in progress. And my life is a game of chess to continually be played and improved. So I’m learning as much from you as you are from me. Really.

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END NOTES/MOVING FORWARD

What’s next? Let me give you a few real-world applications of this new insight you should have now. 1. Go on dates with people that fit your type (dolphins with owls. foxes with beavers) 2. Go on a career that stimulates what your needs and cares are (intellects for owls. people-caring for dolphins. wit/playfulness for foxes. maintaining systems for beavers). 3. Learn when to use your secondary traits/which situations to use them in (If you’re an INTJ, for example, learn when to be extroverted, detail-oriented, fuzzy-feeling-ed, and spontaneous – such as on dates…hahaha).

This is supposed to be a conversation-starter. Not an I-know-everything, my ego has inflated, and the-world-is-100%-clear now. Use this to understand yourself and the world better. Use this to start your desire for more knowledge, to better yourself, and to connect with others too. Have fun! 😉

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P.S. all photos are from one of my favorite photographers – romain guy